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Sam, Katy, and Noggs in Africa

Japanuary Episode IV: Places to eat

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Its dinner time in Akihabara. You are a Japanese nerd, and you are tired and hungry after spending all morning checking out the latest graphics cards, buying video games, reading manga, and oggling at figures of sexy anime characters. You have had a pretty sweet morning, but your day week life is about to peak. You are going to a maid cafe.

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When you enter a maid cafe you leave all sanity at the door. We went to Maidreamin, where our hostess escorted us into a suspiciously ordinary-looking lift. “This is not a lift,” she assured us, “it’s a dreamjet!” Oh boy. We arrive in the maid cafe, and are greeted by the rest of the staff, all dressed in maid outfits, and we are asked to complete some paperwork so that we can be issued with passports to enter their world. Seriously.


To attract the attention of a maid to order your food you have to move your paws and shout “Nooo nooo nooo nooo” like a kitten. They deliver our cake, decorated with a cute picture of a bear. Do we want to buy glowsticks? A maid is about to get up on stage and do a song & dance! All the maids and customers do a special spell to make the food extra delicious. I would love to have more pictures to show you but they have a strict policy of no photography of the maids (unless you pay). And of course no touching of the maids. Which makes it feel a lot like a strip club, except instead of typical male fantasies they seem to be catering to little girl fantasies. Sexy is replaced by cute. Sickeningly cute. But look around, and you will see that the clientele are not little girls. This is the fantasy of grown men. Some of them are really/mental creepy ones, and we had to debate whether they were actually special or not. Hanging with the maids was amazing in every kind of way, but the star attraction was watching the sex-offender-lookalike clientele dancing with glow sticks. I’m waiting for them to open a branch in Louis Trichardt. I’ll be there every Monday, at least until the men take me away in a white van.

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Reason why Japan is ace #4325: signs like this are necessary. Taken on the escalator in Akihabara train station.

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Sometimes you don’t need food, you just want to sit down for a bit and have a nice drink. And, you know, play with lots and lots of cats. You need a cat cafe! It’s Starbucks for crazy cat ladies.

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Stroking pussies not your thing? How about Ninja Restaurant? And Labyrinth. Don’t forget the labyrinth. It was a bit pricy so we just ninjad our way in & back out of the foyer without being detected, but if you ask me more restaurants should be staffed by ninjas and have in-house labyrinths.

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Ninjas also brought us to Gonpachi. Sort of. My favourite scene in Kill Bill was inspired by this place. This is the IRL house of blue leaves – Quentin Tarantino based it on this place. I kept waiting for the 5,6,7,8s to strike up as O-Ren Ishii and her posse came marching through the doors. Sadly the The Bride didn’t pop in and single handedly slay the entire Crazy 88 with her Hanzo sword as I munched my wasabi duck teriyaki. We must have come on the wrong day.

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Next up: Northern Monkeys!

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